Wow, life does get busy, doesn't it?

Life hasn't slowed down so I'm recentering on what is more important instead of letting myself get distracted.

The coven is still going strong and growing steadily, but I have a few who are trained enough to take over some of the duties.  But this only gives me more time to come up with other things to research and teach, lol.

I honestly think I don't know how to slow down. 

Seems the ex never figured things out.  He continued to tell outrageous stories and convinced his eldest son of things that absolutely were not true.

Other things, the step-son never knew happened - at least until now.

His eldest son called me on Saturday to give me the funeral details.  Oh, joy.  I tried being civil.  I really did.  I don't think I did too badly either.

But when he announced that the ex's cane would be displayed prominently beside the casket, I had to speak out.  I warned him that if his brother arrives for the funeral that the cane should be hidden from sight.  He asked why.  I explained that was the same cane their father used to beat them with.  If my son lays eyes on that thing, he'll completely lose it.

The ex's eldest son had no idea just how bad it had gotten or the things his father had done to my boys. 

He tried to convince me that my son really needed to be there so he could have some "closure" by actually laying eyes on him again.  I explained to him that what my son decides to do is completely up to him, but I can guarantee that just laying eyes on his corpse will not bring him any closure.  What he needed were answers and explanations and apologies, which he never got and never will now.

David brought up burying my ex with his Air Force knife.  I had to ask him - "What Air Force knife?"  He claimed it was the one his father got when he was in the Air Force.  I tried to gently let him know that his father was never presented with a blade as 1) he was NOT an officer; 2) he never even finished his first tour of duty; 3) I was with him for 15 years and I can guarantee he never had it then.  His father bought that from a military surplus store or from a replica shop.  He definitely didn't earn it.  I think my own father would have risen from his grave if something like that had occurred - my father retired from the same branch as a Major.

Then David brought up burying his father with his bowie knife - "the one he used to dance with".  Oh, jeez, not THAT piece of BS!  I explained to him that being a half-breed NA myself AND living in the middle of the Iroquois Confederacy, what his father claimed was "an authentic warrior's dance" was complete and utter BS.  I don't know of ANY NA's who get drunk and dance around in their underwear, waving a knife around, as a show of spirituality.

He never learned.  He continued to tell bullshit stories and convinced a lot of people they were true.

When David asked if I was coming down for the funeral, I almost fell out of my chair.  "Uh, no, I don't think that would be wise.  Your uncle would probably shoot me on sight."  At least he agreed with me on that score, lol.

I mentioned that if his brother goes down for the funeral, he'd probably bring his girlfriend.  David was happy about that.  His excuse was "it should be just family".  I pointed out that he had his own girlfriend there, and his argument on that was "she's pregnant with my father's first blood grandchild".  Oh, bully for YOU.  If Zack doesn't feel comfortable going 1000 miles and being stuck around people who couldn't bring themselves to talk to him for 13 YEARS and who wouldn't defend him when he WAS there as a child, he damned well SHOULD be able to bring someone with him that he trusts.  Screw you, David.  As it is, Zack won't be going down there.  He sees no point when there's nothing to be gained.  David's already claimed whatever his father left behind, so there's not even any personal items for Zack to bring back.

I find it very interesting that they are having problems finding enough people to act as pallbearers.  Considering the man was weighing 300 lbs at the time of death, combined with the weight of the casket, it should prove interesting to see if they can find enough people to carry it.

Ah, well.  We'll see what happens in upcoming months.

Well, the Universe definitely hands you lessons that you need to learn.

I received the phone call yesterday that my ex-husband had died.  Some would find it a reason to celebrate.  Some would have the opposite reaction.  Me?  Both.

Both a relief that he can no longer harm me or my children, sadness that he never got the chance to make reparations with those same children.

He was a mentally and emotionally sick person and very violent.  He used his religion as his excuse for his foul treatment and was one of the primary causes of both my children being vehemently against the christian religion.

I grieve for my youngest son who really wanted to find out for himself if he really was as bad as he remembered - he was so young when we separated.

One thing I really did not anticipate was the level of anger in myself that my ex-husband passed peacefully in his sleep.  After the horrible things he did to me and my kids, that he would have had such a peaceful passing leaves me feeling cheated.  Yes, cheated of vengeance.  I wish the SOB could have felt even a fraction of the physical, emotional and mental pain that he put me and my kids through.

Maybe he will as he goes to whatever place is designated for him.

In the end, I'll grieve, I'll rant, I'll scream and I'll go on.